Share your stories of failed New Year’s resolutions

When it comes to making and keeping New Year’s resolutions, we all fall into one of two camps based on where we find ourselves when the clock strikes midnight on day 365 of our self-improvement adventure. By then, we either got it or we didn’t; those 25 kilos are lost or not, we either know conversational Portuguese or not, and that garage is or is not messy. End of year, end of history.

What a story is, and sometimes a good one at that (I write this as a perennial resolution-failure—I’m near zero by 35) are stories of fantastically failed New Year’s resolutions, heroic efforts gone awry with humor, and stumbles. performed at the speed of lightning.

Maybe it’s about time you decided to hop on the dry January bandwagon and made it halfway through New Year’s Day…brunch. Or the year you decided to spend less money only to fail and burn through maxing out your credit cards on self-help books to get out of debt. Or the totally sincere commitment you made to eat vegan for an entire year that was derailed on the 4th of July by a smokin’ good-looking barbecue chef with a rib-eye filling that wouldn’t come off.

That’s why I’m asking you to share, completely anonymously, some of your biggest New Year’s resolution regrets, your laughable lapses in self-improvement, and your epic failures to follow through. I won’t divulge identities, and I won’t judge. What I will do, however, is compile the best of the failed resolutions and share them with readers as we prepare to start 2023.

To ensure your well-intentioned story is considered for publication, be sure to drop it in my inbox (by clicking the form above or emailing me directly at before December 5 to 5 pm PDT.

And who knows? Maybe a little anonymous confession is just what you need to start the new year with a clean slate. It certainly couldn’t hurt.

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